Sunday, September 18, 2011
Today is the last day of my week long vacation without Miles. This is the longest I've ever been away from him and though I miss him, it's been great for me. I was nervous about leaving him. You see, even though my husband and my in-laws would be around to take care of him, I'm the only one who really knows what he needs all the time. I know when all his therapies take place and where. I'm the one who is in contact with his therapists regarding any changes in schedule, cancellations, anything. I know when he needs to nap and when he's just hungry. I know what to feed him when he's constipated or when he's being picky. I know, I know, I know......
Yes, I am the one who has spent the most time with Miles and I do know his needs and schedule very well, but I am not the only one who cares deeply for him. Everyone around him, from his grandparents to his babysitters care for him, very much. And I needed a little R&R for my own well being before baby #2 is born. So I left to paradise (Hawaii) for a whole week. At first by myself for three days and then Zach met up with me for the last four. I prepared for my trip by putting together Miles' therapy schedule, a list of his daily routine, his favorite foods, important phone numbers. I secured several babysitters to help out at night while Zach had to work. I discussed all the arrangements in detail with Zach, my in-laws, my mom, the babysitters, I sent emails and texts and messages.....I mean, I prepared. And then, I had to just let go and say to myself, Miles will be fine and everyone will know what to do. And of course, everything has gone smoothly and Miles has had an amazing time with his grandparents.
The thing is, I want him to develop his own relationships with other family members, friends, babysitters. And each person is going to feed him differently and put him down for his nap in their own way, and that's fine by me. I prefer that he is a flexible person than totally rigid about how things need to be. So I need to be flexible too. But this being the first time, I had to at least give guidelines. If they followed them, I'll never know and it won't matter. As long as Miles is happy when we return from the trip, then it's all good.
So yes, I've been able to relax and connect with baby #2 in my belly and meditate and exercise and sleep and do all the things that are so difficult to do when you have a two year old around all day. And it's been a dream. And from my conversations with the grandparents, they are having a swell time. Miles is happy, what more can I ask for?
What have I learned from this trip then? To TRUST. To allow. To let go. There are many people around me willing to help and wanting to have their own relationship with Miles, so why not let them? He's going to be a better person for it. They are going to be better people for it too. And me? I'm going to have a rest, which I deserve and desperately need at times. Zach and I both needed to get away, the two of us, before our lives will be turned upside down again by the arrival of our baby girl. We're excited, but bracing ourselves. It's gonna be a bumpy ride!