I seriously don't know how some people have the time to manage it all; the kids, the house, the job, the marriage, the friendships..... I might seem like I'm doing it all, but I'm barely keeping it together. I woke up at 6am today and didn't get to eat a proper meal until 1pm! No shower yet either. It's been go go go.
Today I had to feed Miles, change him and get him ready for his first therapy at 8am. The therapy went a little late because I was asking her questions and advice. Then I had to get Miles to nap before the second appointment of the day, his Service Coordinator who made her annual visit today. We discussed Miles' progress and what he needs to work on. We discussed what to expect in the next year and what to work towards. We talked about the Regional Center and budget cuts and insurance and Early Intervention programs and pre-schools., etc etc etc. I figured the visit would take about 1 hour, but no! Almost two hours later, Miles had woken up and had one bottle of milk but no lunch. So he was ravenous and mad! I was scrambling to get his lunch ready and pack his bag for daycare because I needed a few hours off to clean the house and get it ready for some friends coming by tonight (don't ask me why!!). I finally dropped him off at daycare and was able to stop and eat some food before getting myself together for later.
All the while, I've been dealing with a lawyer regarding an insurance claim, setting appointments for Miles for make-up therapy sessions, calling people back, answering emails, recording voice over auditions and sending them in and planning other events. What is wrong with me?? I need to learn to say no and to slow down because I just don't have the time to do it all!
Tomorrow Miles has therapy again at 9am, followed by a music class at 11am (which I'm hosting, don't ask me why!!), followed by a mad dash to get him to my in-law's house so they can watch him while I go record a voice over because in the middle of all this I still need to work and make money!! Besides the fact that it makes me feel good to continue acting and contribute financially, I am the one who gets us our health insurance through my union. So no money means no insurance, and that's not good for us!
Just recounting all of this is exhausting! How am I supposed to make dinner, wash clothes and get in an hour of TV or reading a book? I don't, I barely do. I have to pay bills and the "To-be-filed" pile just keeps growing. Calgon, take me away!!!
So yes, my questions is, how do other people get it all done and still stay sane? Is that even possible? Maybe other people's marriages are suffering, or they are total hermits who never see their friends, or they are breaking out in hives and have stomach ulcers.....I don't know. But if there's someone out there doing it all, my hat's off to you!
I am not sane right now. I drink too much coffee and don't exercise enough. I haven't been able to dye my greys since before Miles was born. My toes look like hooker toes and my eyebrows like a 1970's model. I just need a little "me" time, but I also just want to be with my family. And I want to see friends. But I need to prioritize....and that's something I have to re-learn.
I keep thinking that I'm fine and things can go back to the way they were before Miles was born, that I can work at the same speed. But I can't. It's impossible. I have to slow down and I have to accept that things have changed and are continuing to change. Miles is growing and doing well because he has therapy and a lot of attention from us, so we need to continue doing the work with him. It doesn't just stop.
I also keep thinking that if I had a set schedule or job that I could count on, it would be much easier to plan my days. But that's not my life. I freelance. My husband freelances. We have to take the opportunities when they come and that means scrambling to find a babysitter at the last minute so I can make and audition or go to a booking. And that changes my whole day...almost every single day!
As crazy as I feel though, I also feel incredibly fortunate that these are my problems. They're not such bad problems to have. I just need to find balance and laugh it off!!
Okay, I feel better. Now I'm off to the shower!!