It seems foolish for me to complain about the little problems in my life when there are so many real problems going on around the world. So I try not to. I try to put it all in perspective and see that really I don't have much to complain about, but much to be thankful for. I am incredibly blessed in my life and I do appreciate it. And yet, I do find time to feel frustrated, stressed, anxious, exhausted by life. I guess if I don't acknowledge my feelings then how am I ever gonna get past them to move on?
Recently, a string of bad luck has hit our family and close friends. My mom got attacked by a pit bull a few weeks ago and ended up in the hospital with a very bad wound and a serious infection. Her recovery has been slow, but she is doing great and will have full function in her hand once more. A couple of weeks later, my mom' apartment in Mexico got broken into (for the third time in 2 years!) and they took a lot of things that were very valuable to her. She was heartbroken. That same day we received the very shocking news that my 41 year old brother Sean has leukemia. He started chemotherapy right away and his last bone marrow biopsy showed that there was no trace of the cancer left! Yet, he is still in the hospital, away from his kids, getting pumped with drugs, and waiting for a bone marrow transplant. Then I got sad news from a good friend of mine that her mother had passed away after her almost 3 year battle with another type of cancer. And then Steve Jobs......
There's been a lot of crying and praying and meditating and giving thanks for life in the past few weeks. What does it all mean? Why do we have to suffer and go through all this pain? Something I have learned through Miles and my experience over the last 2 years is that there is not an end all be all reason to why these things happen. The reasons will change throughout our lives depending on our perspective at the time. We make meaning out of each situation and challenge. We alone have to explore our lives to find the meaning, the truth and grow with each challenge.
I am nervous about Miles' future. What kind of life will he have? Will he be a fulfilled person? What about our daughter? Will she be born healthy and strong? Will she feel like she's always left out or living in the shadow of her brother who needs so much from us? Will I be able to give them both the love, support and care that they need and deserve? I don't know. I have no idea. But as nervous as I am about the unknown, I feel confident that somehow, somewhere I will figure it out. It will all fall into place and I will find guidance if I just listen to my heart.
So for now, I continue being thankful for my life, my mind, my current perspective. And I pray, I meditate to bring peace and light to so much pain and suffering around me.