Trusting the Process

Last Friday I was up at 5am and watched the sunrise from my new home office.  I wasn't up because of Miles, it was actually my 30 week pregnant belly that was making it way too uncomfortable to sleep.  So instead of tossing and turning for another hour, I got up and enjoyed an early morning by myself. I stretched and meditated and sipped some calming tea.  I needed that, you see I've been pushing myself too hard the last couple of weeks.  Mentally and physically.  I've been so overwhelmed and anxious about getting everything just right before this baby comes that my brain and body have been running on overdrive and I've had no time to nurture myself.  So my body revolted and I broke out in hives on my hands and feet! That has never happened to me before and I spent a couple of days ignoring it, thinking they would go away.  But the pain just got worse, to the point where I could barely make a fist with my hands.  So I stopped and listened to what was going on inside of me.  And I made a deal with my body:  I told it that I would promise to slow down, rest and take care of myself if it promised to stop the hives from spreading and make them go away, fast!  And it worked!  My body complied...and so did I.  I spent the rest of Thanksgiving weekend relaxing at home with Zach and Miles, taking naps, being outside and enjoying the beautiful weather. 

It's ridiculous that I had to break out into hives to slow down!  Oh, not only that, I also got some weird pain in the back of my knee which had me limping for almost a week.  I couldn't bend or stretch my leg completely because of the pain.  I couldn't kneel, sit with my legs folded, crouch.....so basically, playing with Miles was almost impossible.  I'm happy to say that I feel fine now and that although I still have lots of "stresses", I'm not over-doing it and am taking time out to be good to myself.  Even if it just means going to sleep early or reading a book instead of answering the phone.  I hope it lasts because the next two months are gonna to be jam packed with activity and change.  Lots and lots of change......

Miles is starting at a pre-school in less than two weeks.  It's more like a pre-pre-school.  It is at the center where Miles gets his Occupational therapy and it's part of the Early Intervention Programs in the state, so it is paid for by my regional center.  It's for kids under 3 years old who are walking and have some kind of developmental delay.  There is one teacher per 3 students and they are all trained in working with kids who have special needs.  Currently in the program, there are several kids with Down syndrome, a couple with Autism and the rest have either speech or other physical delays.  The classrooms are cute, the teachers are sweet, and I know Miles will do well....but I'm so nervous!  What if he can't keep up?  What if he really isn't ready for this setting yet?  What if there's too many changes for him at this moment?  The truth is, I think Miles will be fine, I'm the one who's having a tough time with all these transitions!!!!

I'm going to have another baby in less than two months! My son is starting pre-school and all his current therapies are going to be in flux while we adjust to the new pre-school schedule, which means my schedule is going to be a mess!  I still have to get Miles' new room ready and move him in, preferably before baby girl is born!  I need to finish organizing baby girl's closet and the kitchen and oh! the holidays are coming and I want to decorate the house and be merry and celebrate and buy gifts and see friends and bake cookies and get a haircut and a facial and go to yoga and did I mention I'm having another baby in less than two months????  Yes, it's me.  I'm the one freaking out about all the changes.  Do you see why I got those hives?

I was taking it one day at a time and that was working so well for me, then all of a sudden I hit week 29 or 30 of my pregnancy and I realized that time was flying by and I wasn't getting enough done!  I'm a doer, so being a pregnant tired lady with a two year old son does not necessarily slow me down.   And you know what the real funny thing is?  Now that I'm getting so close to having the baby and I'm finally feeling the stress of it all, I start getting a bunch of auditions and jobs!  It's been dead for me the last three months, then all of a sudden, I'm booking again!  That's life though!  When you think you can't put one more thing on your plate, life throws you another and you have to find a way to balance it all. 

My yoga teacher reminded me today that I need to "trust in the process.  It will all work out."  I know this, but I had forgotten.  So right now, in this very moment at least, I am trusting in the process.  I am trusting that all that needs to get done will get done.  I am trusting that I am exactly where I need to be, mentally and physically.  And if I just let go of my fears and anxieties and continue trusting the process, this whole transition will be much smoother for myself and my family.  Deep breath.  Lets see how long this lasts.