My Life With Miles: Goodbye 2012

Miles with fallen leaves at Descanso Gardens

Wow, the year is over. Just a few more hours and it will be 2013. As I look back on how much has happened this year I am blown away. How does so much happen in such a short time yet it always feels like it happened a million years ago? At the beginning of this year I was still pregnant with Ella. I was nervous for her birth, hoping for the best, not knowing if we'd be in for any surprises. And then she was born, perfect in so many ways. My worries turned from her to Miles, who was going through so many changes: moving into his new room, starting a new school, having a more intense therapy schedule, not being the center of our universe anymore. How was he going to deal with a new sibling? How was I going to deal with two kids? This year also brought lawyers and mediation and IEP's and fighting, fighting for my family, my house, my kids. So much of it is just a blur and when I look back on the year, I think I was half asleep through a large part of it. I'm not sure how we've made it through, but we have and most of memories are good.

Miles has grown so much. He's a big boy now, ready to start sleeping in a big boy bed soon. He actually started two new schools this year, became a big brother, finished all his Early Intervention therapies, had his first IEP. All big milestones for him and us.

My little drummer boy

And Ella, my sweet little lady, was born this year. A Dragon Aquarian just like myself. She was born healthy, strong, beautiful, hungry and with an independent spirit. A perfect addition to our family. And the happiest little baby around. She is social and curious, daring and funny. She loves food and music and swimming and playing with Miles. I love her to pieces.

My sweet pea

Yet with Ella's birth came a lack of sleep so intense that it's been the hardest part of my year!! It's messed with my head on way too many occasions. Sleep deprivation makes me grumpy and eat too much and overindulge on caffeine and sweets and have no energy for exercise. So my body is in pain and out of shape. My mind is foggy and my emotions are all over the place. Transitioning from one baby to two has been a major challenge for me. But one that I've welcomed, in fact, I wanted it.


Sibling love!

Is it worth it? Is all the stress and emotional drama and lack of sleep and loss of independence worth it? YES. A big resounding YES! I am exhausted but somehow I find the energy to be a mother, to be the best mother I can be on any given day. And I do it because I love these tiny humans who call me mami. They make me happier than I ever thought possible. They have made me understand things about myself and life that I had barely even questioned in the past. They have made me be more loving, empathetic, caring, compassionate, inclusive, funny and kind. Although I seem to have a short temper, I'm actually more patient now than I have ever been before. They've made me question my values, what I admire, my understanding of love and laughter and letting go. They've made me be less judgmental and more accepting. In short, they've made me grow and I like the direction in which I'm growing!

Family self-portrait on our Family Fun Day!

I won't lie though, even though these little dumplings have changed my life for the better, raising them is hard as hell!!!!! Shit, it's true that nothing in life comes easy!!! There can't be growth without effort and pain. So that's where I'm at as 2012 comes to an end. I'm in a place where my reserves have kicked in so my exhaustion won't get the best of me. And I'm feeling blessed for all of it. For my family, my body, my mind, my spirituality, my light. My wish for 2013 is to find more harmony in every area of my life, especially at home. I wish for happiness, health, love and daily harmony!! And as I look at the photo above I think, "Oh my God, that's my family! Those are my kids. Two kids. I am a mother of two!! WTF!!??". That's amazing to me. I never even knew I wanted kids, thought I didn't, and here I am loving them and the family that Zach and I have built more than anything. Wow, that's some growth right there!

Thank You and Goodbye 2012.

Hello and Welcome 2013!