I feel like crying today. I'm tired. Exhausted really. The last 9 months are catching up with me. All I want to do is lounge in the Fijian sun, sip fruity drinks, swim in the warm ocean and sleep. Sleep for 12 hours straight. I want to wake up refreshed and ready to face the day without coffee. I want to play with Miles, laugh with him and cuddle him. I don't want to deal with feeding him at 5:30 am or make him take his naps even when he doesn't want to. I don't want to stress about the balance between my mommy life and my work life. I don't want to feel guilty if I haven't spent at least one hour a day practicing stretches with Miles. I want him to be able to just play like other babies. Right now, I just want to get away from it all, I want everything to be perfect....whatever that is.
I feel like a yo-yo. One day I'm full of energy and excitement about everything, baby, work, husband, home....then the next day, I don't have the energy to take a shower. I'm not a depressive person, in fact, I've always been very positive. But I do need sleep to function and I need balance. These days, the toughest thing to find is balance. When I have some free time I am torn between sleeping and getting things done. Do I clean the house, do the laundry, answer emails, write in my blog, catch up on my tivo, exercise, meditate, sleep? What to do? I get nothing done.
Balance. It's all about balance. Right now I am all out of balance! Ommmmmmm.
First of all...I love you...you are special even when you are tired and don't feel like doing anything and are not getting anything done...so enjoy being a sack of shit on those days and don't beat yourself up...the world will do that for you. You know what else...Zach and Miles love you even when you are tired and have no energy...SO THERE! LOL... I love your total honesty...you just show all of it..even the yuck days...we all have them!
ReplyDeleteAs far as BALANCE is concerned..those olympic gymnast train how many hours a day to stand on that stupid beam and they still fall off...screw it...I say BALANCE is overrated!!! So don't strive for balance..just acceptance..accept where you are in any given moment...be PRESENT...be in the moment and that moment will pass...you are doing great...I repeat...YOU ARE DOING GREAT!