I feel like crying today. I'm tired. Exhausted really. The last 9 months are catching up with me. All I want to do is lounge in the Fijian sun, sip fruity drinks, swim in the warm ocean and sleep. Sleep for 12 hours straight. I want to wake up refreshed and ready to face the day without coffee. I want to play with Miles, laugh with him and cuddle him. I don't want to deal with feeding him at 5:30 am or make him take his naps even when he doesn't want to. I don't want to stress about the balance between my mommy life and my work life. I don't want to feel guilty if I haven't spent at least one hour a day practicing stretches with Miles. I want him to be able to just play like other babies. Right now, I just want to get away from it all, I want everything to be perfect....whatever that is.
I feel like a yo-yo. One day I'm full of energy and excitement about everything, baby, work, husband, home....then the next day, I don't have the energy to take a shower. I'm not a depressive person, in fact, I've always been very positive. But I do need sleep to function and I need balance. These days, the toughest thing to find is balance. When I have some free time I am torn between sleeping and getting things done. Do I clean the house, do the laundry, answer emails, write in my blog, catch up on my tivo, exercise, meditate, sleep? What to do? I get nothing done.
Balance. It's all about balance. Right now I am all out of balance! Ommmmmmm.