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Friday, August 20, 2010

Smile, it ain't so bad.

I'm feeling very emotional these days. I suppose it's because Miles' First Birthday is coming up on September 1st. This morning I woke up and the soles of my feet hurt, the way they used to when I was pregnant. I sat in bed thinking how different things were just a year ago at this same time. I was incredibly pregnant and would wake up in pain every morning. My feet and hands were swollen, I had arthritic pain in my hands so intense I couldn't make a fist, my lower back was killing me, I was overheated, tired and couldn't wait to get the pregnancy over with! And just ten days later, my life changed more drastically than I could have ever imagined.

It's all so bittersweet I suppose. The happiest and saddest moments of my life all rolled up in the same memories. It's hard to separate the feelings and as we get closer to Miles' birthday, I can feel them all creeping back into the surface.

I feel like I've done a decent job of coping this year. The first six months of Miles' life where so difficult for me. I couldn't see an end to my sadness, but then we went to Australia to visit my sister, brother-in-law and niece, and I realized that all would be fine. I felt such freedom traveling, something Zach and I have always done together. People had told us that it would be difficult to travel with Miles because children with Down syndrome don't do well traveling. Well, Miles is our child and traveling will always be a part of our lives and I have a feeling he'll love it, just like we do. He did wonderfully in Australia and made some huge leaps during the trip. He started eating and rolling and got more curious about his surroundings. In fact, every trip we've taken has helped him reach a milestone. It's awesome.

So we returned to LA and I made a renewed attempt to get out more, start working again and summon happiness back into my life. I can't say it's been easy, but every month it gets better and better. And it doesn't hurt that Miles is doing incredibly well. This morning he finally sat up on his own!!!!! This is a huge thing for us! Though he's been "combat crawling" or more accurately "doing the worm" for almost two months now, he still hasn't been able to go from his belly to sitting position. We practice and practice and practice and low and behold, this morning when I went to get him in his crib, he was sitting up!!! Zach was taking a shower and I ran in to tell him the good news! My heart is exploding with joy right now!

About an hour later, we actually saw him sit up while we were all in the kitchen preparing breakfast. Zach and I smiled and clapped in reinforcement and Miles smiled shyly, knowing he'd done something good. So cute!

He's also getting better motor control in his hands. He is able to grab the spoon with his hands and get it into his mouth almost every time now. And most of all, he is showing his independence and stubborness. He wants to do things when he wants to do them and in his own way. Yes, he reminds me very much of myself. Yes Mami, it's payback time. I know!

It's getting more interesting by the day and I know I'm in for some tough battles in the future. I just gotta remember to retain my humor through it all!

1 comment:

  1. Well, as Coqui would have said..."de tal palo tal astilla". What else could you expect, but this is good because it means he will be determined to accomplish whatever he wishes to do in life. So, he will never give up, no matter how long it takes him to get there, just like you. Yes, you are going to be challenged all the way and I am going to have fun just watching you and Zach being parents, I get to be La Abue...ha, ha.