Life is so precarious. You can be running along having the time of your life and in a split second everything can change. Sometimes for the good, sometimes for the bad. But it's continually changing, so we should enjoy it every single day, right? What's that saying? "Live every day as if it were your last one". Recently, I've spent so much time worrying about the future and even the present, spending too much time bitter, angry or annoyed about one thing or another. I've been stressed out about time and scheduling and feeling fat and unhealthy (I know I'm not fat, but I do feel unhealthy....and I still haven't lost all my "baby" weight, so it's a bit depressing). The point is, I don't like being that way. It takes too much energy out of me. It's way better to be happy and care free, but is it possible to be that way when responsibility and life is weighing you down? I freaking hope so cause that's what I'm trying to be!!
Right now, my goal is to go with the flow and keep a positive attitude. It's easier said than done, but I'm managing. I have two mantras that I borrowed from Miles' Physical Therapist: "I accept whatever comes my way" and "This too shall pass". Both mantras can be applied to most situations and they seriously help me keep my chin up. And more than that, they make me grin. When I really look at my life and my situation, it ain't so bad! I live in this beautiful home with a loving husband and an awesome, healthy child. I work but still have a lot of free time and we're not financially struggling. I get to travel a bunch, I have tons of friends and family near me, I mean, life is good. So what if we might lose our house in some messed up insurance claim we're in. I don't know what the outcome will be, so for now I will enjoy every minute that I'm in that house! So what if if I don't have the time to exercise and take care of myself like I used to? Soon enough my son will be in school every day and I'll be able to focus on myself more. Or better yet, maybe I'll book some huge commercial campaign and make tons of money and be able to afford a trainer that comes to my house and helps me get back in shape! Who knows, anything is possible.
"Life is a constant struggle", that's another one of those sayings that I've heard all my life and which I finally truly get. Life is a struggle, constantly. I am overwhelmed by responsibility. I keep thinking things are going to slow down and that I'm finally going to have time to sleep, relax, exhale, whatever! I keep thinking that next week will be calmer, next week I'll have more time, but then I don't. The days fill up and next thing I know the week is over and I'm barely keeping up. I'm living on caffeine and eating too much just to have energy because I don't have the time to sleep. The thing is, it's not gonna change or slow down any time soon.
(Insert meditative breathing)
That's okay. I just need to carve out moments for myself.
(Insert deep breath).
Make sure to do one nice thing for myself every day, and make sure to laugh and smile and still have fun. I'm tired, but I can't be cranky all the time. I still wanna go out and have fun and feel sexy and enjoy my life......so here comes the balancing act. Keep repeating the mantras in my head and know that things could be worse or better, but this moment will pass and I can't dwell on it anyway.
The last few weeks have been jam packed with activity and I've still found time to sleep and read and write and catch up and exercise and go out. I've had a lot of fun and I've had a lot of frustration and that sounds pretty balanced to me. Yep, that's life, you have to be open to all of it.
Speaking of which, Zach, Miles and I were at Whole Foods the other day when this man who looked like he was in his 40's approached us. He teared up with love as he told us about his aunt with Down syndrome. He said she is an amazing person, "an angel and that's what others don't seem to understand, that people with Down syndrome are angels". He congratulated us on Miles and we left beaming with pride. It was such a sweet encounter, one of many that we have had and will continue having. Each of these encounters with strangers or friends teach us about ourselves, others and humanity. The lessons are priceless and the thing is, none of these encounters would happen if our life hadn't taken the turn it did, if Miles wasn't in our lives. So Life....keep it coming!