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Friday, January 6, 2012

One Day at a Time

Happy New Year!  2012, the year of the Dragon.  I was born on a Dragon year, 1976.  My baby girl will be born on a Dragon year.  Two dragons in the house, can we handle it? Can I handle it?   I'm just 3 weeks away from my cesarean date and though I'm starting to get a bit nervous, I'm also very excited.  I can't wait to meet this little girl and I can't wait for Miles to meet her.  I think he's going to love her very much and be an awesome brother.  Anytime we take him around other babies, he is infatuated.  He can be such a caveman, but around little babies he knows to be sweet and gentle.  He touches them softly and smiles at them and says "hi" while waving.  It's the sweetest thing.  I feel he's got some kind of silent communication going with little babies.  I guess I'll find out once our baby girl is born. 

People keep asking me if Miles knows he's having a little sister.  I think on an energetic level he is fully aware that something is going on and that it might have something to do with a baby.  But it's hard to tell how much he knows.  I tell him there's a baby sister in my belly, I have no idea how much of that he understands.  I do feel like the energy in the house has been so erratic that he can't help but pick up on it.  He's been very clingy with me and has been giving his dad a hard time.  He's a handful right now and though it seems to coincide with the baby's near arrival, I think it really has more to do with the fact that Miles is walking now.  Every since he started walking, his world expanded dramatically.  He's been way more curious and independent and stubborn and less focused.  He's being a toddler, constantly exploring and testing the limits.  Our limits! So I'm exhausted and worried about how I'll manage with a newborn and toddler that I can't reason with....but I'll manage.  I've got help and can get reinforcements if I need them!

At this point, my main concern is how I'm going to keep Miles' busy therapy/daycare/preschool schedule going while I'm recovering from my c-section.  I'm the only one who really knows and understands his full schedule and what each different activity entails.  I'm his manager!  I'm the one in touch with all his therapists, I coordinate each activity, who picks him up and drops him off, what he needs to take to each class, when he eats, naps, etc etc etc.  Am I a control freak?  No, I don't think so.  I'm the mommy and main caretaker of a kid with special needs and a very busy daily life.  Zach helps a lot when he's not working, my mom also picks up a lot of the slack, but I still coordinate everything.  And I do feel like I need to control that.  I'm finding that I will need to trust the people around me a lot more and be okay if things aren't done properly.....or the way I like them to be.   I have to let go, allow others to help... in an organized manner.  Yeah, okay, maybe I am too controlling over Miles' life.  I know there's a lesson here for me and I'm trying to just go with the flow.....but yeah, it's hard.

One day at a time.  One day at a time.....

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